So, I’ve been on placement for half a year now and recently it’s hit me that working life can really suck sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t had those horrible looming what-is-the-point-of-anything-why-am-I-here thoughts as much but I believe that’s simply because I don’t have the time. I get up, leave the house for work, walk for 40 minutes, work an 8 1/2 hour shift in a lab full of lazy people people who don’t appreciate me (for free, I might add), walk home for 40 minutes, make dinner, watch trash TV with my housemates and go to bed. Maybe have a shower if it’s the right day. And that is it.
It makes me unbelievably sad that I now ‘live for the weekend’ as that’s the only time of the week I get to be by myself (my housemates call me antisocial if I say I don’t want to watch reruns of Take Me Out for the millionth time in a row), or at least use my time how I’d like to. That’s 2 days out of 7 that I honestly look forward to. This can’t be what life’s about… After my working day I just feel a bit numb. Anyone else?
I think it’s safe to say I now completely understand it when adults say that you have to enjoy your job, as that literally is your life 71% of the time. I know you get evenings during the week off, but if you factor in a commute and the desire to go to sleep as you’re so tired from the stressful work day, that isn’t a lot of time at all. I used to enjoy having routine and still do, just maybe not in a fashion that has been chosen for me. So not to be self righteous or sound like a brat, but I need more than this in my life.
The only solution I can think of is this: you need something/someone that makes each day feel like a weekend. Yes, I know Valentine’s Day is over (thank God) but this cheesy little line is so true. Be it a hobby, pet, friends or partner. A job you enjoy would also help the sense of dread when you realise Sunday is over (being able to help people and contribute to the NHS is definitely a motivator for me!). Or y’know, make some big bucks to try and help ease the pain (a satisfaction volunteering for a year doesn’t grant me unfortunately).
Now, this is hard for me as I have my weekend person. However, he lives 190 miles away and I only get to see him every three weeks. That’s tough most of the time. I know what I want from my ugh-I’m-always-at-work weeknights (a Two for Tuesday from Domino’s and a cuddle), but I’m alone watching Paddy McGuinness laugh at his own jokes.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not TOO depressed at my situation and my breakdowns have subsided a little, I’m just struggling at being an adult.
Keep singing x